A Certain Scapes (Working Title)
2020 ~
Large Format Film Photography, Inkjet print, Oil on plexiglass
Size variable
2020 ~
Large Format Film Photography, Inkjet print, Oil on plexiglass
Size variable
Note:
I exist with the accumulation of all my past moments. However, my mental health issues such as hallucinations, which negate my past even threaten my present existence. I am living in the anxiety of uncertainty of my presence.
Photography is a fidget toy for me. Especially the repetitive process for film photography, for instance, loading films, the developing process and scanning works meditatively and relieves my anxiety. Just as playing with a fidget toy, I keep taking photos with a 4x5 inch sheet film. Subsequently, my dummy of films, which contains my daily records, have become somewhat of a diary for me.
However, unfortunately, from the endless confusion of my senses there arises a discrepancy of a scape between my memory and film. Even though a scape in my mind keeps changing and fading, there is always unforgettable scenery running through my mind. I have always focused on trying to not lose those scenes, to the best of my ability.
With paper lithography, I fix an image from my film photography on the surface of the paper. Then, just as piecing my memory together, I connect my fragmented prints. Also, by covering another paper, sanding, drawing and painting over connected prints, I can keep fixing my vanishing memory.
By going through fixing an unpremeditated reoccurring process, my memory has altered to a 'certain' scape. This has always been based on something that is real, just like my photography. However, it does not represent the thing that exists in the real world anymore. This certain scape is painted over by time, sense and memory. In conclusion, it has finally been revealed to me that a 'certain' scape can confirm my existence. Through these certain scape's, I exist.
I exist with the accumulation of all my past moments. However, my mental health issues such as hallucinations, which negate my past even threaten my present existence. I am living in the anxiety of uncertainty of my presence.
Photography is a fidget toy for me. Especially the repetitive process for film photography, for instance, loading films, the developing process and scanning works meditatively and relieves my anxiety. Just as playing with a fidget toy, I keep taking photos with a 4x5 inch sheet film. Subsequently, my dummy of films, which contains my daily records, have become somewhat of a diary for me.
However, unfortunately, from the endless confusion of my senses there arises a discrepancy of a scape between my memory and film. Even though a scape in my mind keeps changing and fading, there is always unforgettable scenery running through my mind. I have always focused on trying to not lose those scenes, to the best of my ability.
With paper lithography, I fix an image from my film photography on the surface of the paper. Then, just as piecing my memory together, I connect my fragmented prints. Also, by covering another paper, sanding, drawing and painting over connected prints, I can keep fixing my vanishing memory.
By going through fixing an unpremeditated reoccurring process, my memory has altered to a 'certain' scape. This has always been based on something that is real, just like my photography. However, it does not represent the thing that exists in the real world anymore. This certain scape is painted over by time, sense and memory. In conclusion, it has finally been revealed to me that a 'certain' scape can confirm my existence. Through these certain scape's, I exist.